Never would I imagine that I would be where I am today. Standing here, a single mother of two, alone, afraid, and unknowing. I’ve cried many tears; tears of sadness, sorrow, and depression because of where I am. Settling for the idea of being forever alone because I’m not good enough for another’s expectations. I’ve spent many nights, countless days, building myself up, reassuring myself that I am great only to experience a moment of sorrow because of what someone else thinks of me. I begin to walk the path of guilt, the what-if I did this or maybe I should do this. I second-guess myself. I tell myself maybe you aren’t good enough. Maybe you are a failure. Maybe you should stop trying to happily be yourself so hard.
Change your Thoughts
But then I stop. I stop these thoughts right in their tracks. Why?
Because I refuse to live a life based on what others think. I refuse to allow others negative views and speakings of myself to stop me from traveling on the path I’m destined to be. I refuse to settle. I refuse to just be.
I continue to dream. I continue to reassess my life and make the necessary adjustments. I take no for an answer and figure out another way to get what I want because I know that anything is reachable and possible. I continue to pursue. I continue to be that beacon of positivity for those who matter. That ray of light for those who continues to see the positive I have to offer.
It’s moments like these, the moments of sorrow, that I work twice as hard to focus on a better me. Moments like these, these silent moments, that forces me listen to the beauty of nothing and learn to appreciate it. It’s moments like these that my eyes begin to open and I truly see value in all things, good and bad.
Then I imagine not where I am right now, but where I will be in the future. How is it that I don’t look like what I’ve endured? How is it that no one knows my life story? How is it that I still smile despite the pain I’ve been through? How is it that I still hope in a world so dark? It’s because I refuse to just be. I AM here. I don’t just exist. In my existence I am BE-ing. Being a mother. Being a teacher. Being the difference. Being the change. Being the impossible. Being positive. Being.
Continue being the gem you are.